Peeing on sticks

10 Mar

After years of marriage my husband and I decided we were ready to finally start a family. Cue the type A++ behavior and I dived head first into learning everything about ovulation, eggs, conception. I looked at calendars and tried to triangulate optimal baby making charts.

Obviously the actual baby making attempt was more fun than conducting my research.  Days after what I thought was our conception window, I started to feel nauseated in the morning. We were cautiously optimistic that it was a sign of things to come. Success in one try! We didn’t want to tell anyone at first, but with the morning sickness arriving every morning we started to think it might be safe to think we really did it. I called my mom and tried to ask how long it took her to know she was pregnant. During at least one pregnancy she too started to feel sick almost immediately. This gave us more reason to hope and tell a couple more people. Then abruptly after a week, the feeling of morning sickness went away.

I bought a couple of pregnancy tests and thought about testing myself even though I knew it was too early for it to work.  Part of me didn’t want to pee on the sticks in my bathroom at all. I kind of thought that the magic of thinking I was pregnant would dissipate if the pink lines told me I was not pregnant (yet).  Still I grabbed a stick and took it out of its crinkly wrapper.  After using it, it looked back at me. One line. Not pregnant. No more magic.

Another week later I find myself analyzing every feeling and wishing the morning sickness and feeling of certainty that I am pregnant would return. Now I just feel bummed I told anyone, because it looks like it might be a false alarm this month. I guess I learned my lesson. Mums the word until I actually see those two lines staring back at me.

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Bad Mamma Jamma ... With a PhD!

Eclectic Thoughts on Life and Living

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